On Personal Inadequacy
One of those days when I had more free time, alone in my home, and had nothing to do, I peek into one of a friend I had in grade school, who had recently posted pictures from the western hemisphere, where they now currently resides, to study. My lifelong dream of pursuing life in another continent, more specifically Europe itched to resurface when exposed to pictures as such. I wouldn’t say it’s jealousy or me being envious, rather it brings about the feeling of inadequacy. Sure, they are most likely happen to be there in account of their well off parents that had more than enough money to spend a fortune for their kids to seek better education far from here, but that still does not prompt me to feel a little bit of gratitude for what I already have. We, humans, are of ungrateful individuals. More often than not, these moods derive when struggling to meet the expectations set by us after seeing the contrast between our life and another. I, 18, am not unfamiliar with it.
In light of the age we live today, insecurities are far easier to contact, with thrown around us pitch perfect lives by the aid of social media. This intricate matter of feelings asks us to be the person we saw that was perfect to us. The feeling of inadequacy is not invented yesterday, or new to all of us, since the beginning of mankind, in some sort of way, we find a way to devalue ourselves, to see ourselves as a lesser person than others. When Satan told Eve that she would become like God in some manner, she ate from the forbidden tree. First man and woman (or so they say) was inadequate!
Though no real bar set of the completeness of a life in society, trying to reach the superlative is only human. Being enough is a luxury we can’t afford, at least for me. I’ve always seen this in a positive light, never as a burden that pivots to something we call inferiority complex. I think what differs from them both is never being enough gives room for ambitions to spark, while feeling inferior to the point of lacking self-esteem, and constant self-doubt just diminish one’s own hopes and desires.
Feeling inadequate all of the time can be toxic, without asking for your consent. Some minor inconvenience might upset me, thinking life would never be this hard for someone else. You know the common motivational, chin-up pictures or videos your aunt sent you in your Family’s WhatsApp group. It says you are perfect in every way, you are loved, accepted by others for the way that you are. I have come to accept that these videos they sent weren’t for the purpose of only comforting and legitimizing laziness, these thoughts I had in 11th grade, at my peak edge. But rather it eases the welfare of our never enough being. Having accepted and the reassurance that we are enough soothe us. Nothing else can cure the sentiment of inadequacy other than the show of gratitude for ourselves.
In my every waking moment, the urge to attain my personal adequacy is stagnant. A cyclical nature of human purposes, when a goal is achieved, we seek out to accomplish something else that is more challenging. To see this as a stimulus to go on with life is a sign of optimism. And I shall always see it that way, because what could be more motivating than to go on the long journey of finding our best version of ourselves through reaching our goals.
Beyond everything, the lack of meaning in the humdrum of our everyday life baffled us, each and every minute. So why not try to be grateful for it!
Written on 22nd April, 2019
Featured on Whiteboard Journal Column
